I often get anxious when I need to make a decision, especially the decision, what should I do right now? Today I don’t have an obligation (work) to anyone else til 1:30, so the morning is open. In trying to decide what to do with the space I begin to feel nervous. I hug myself and decide to do nothing. I sit on a lawn chair in my back yard in light rain.
Not moving we confront our own being, as it is. Sitting outside I cannot pretend I am anything in that moment but alive, there is no one I perform an identity to, no thing I’m accomplishing such as learning to dance or write, I have no category to hold on to. The infinity of your being, of the earth, presents itself to you. Sitting, you can become lost in the layers of memory, go over hopes and dreams of the future, simply feel yourself as a presence, alive. The rain keeps pitter pattering, you can watch it fall or listen to it dropping slowly. You may have nothing but you have everything. I realize I can stay one place forever and still be confronted with infinite change. We are infinitely deep, we won’t stop falling.
When I arise its because I want to write. Let your doings emanate from this place of stillness. Do not do to accomplish, do because your doing is the change the present demands, your doing is how the stillness morphs. I write, yes everything looks different, but still I sit with myself, in many ways I have not moved at all.
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